Tuesday, February 26, 2013

A ritual

Talk therapy is good for me, and good for many guys. It's not for everyone though. Many guys when they are in talk therapy only talk about their actions, not their feelings. Action is important for me too - although I went through a phase where I confused activity with recovery.

One ritual I put in place, which the boys and I practice on important occasions, is a lovely way of remembering Meagan. We have an apple tree in our back yard. On the anniversary of her death, birthday, Mother's Day, and our wedding anniversary - we do several things:  we light a big bonfire and burn greeting cards with handwritten notes (the smoke from the burning sentiment sending our loving thoughts to the universe), and then each hang a small wind chime on the apple tree. The tree is starting to get quite a few wind chimes, and when the weather is nice and the breeze is blowing, the sound of tinkling chimes fills the backyard. And that sound helps trigger warm memories of her, and brings a smile to our faces.

As an act of love and remembrance it is also highly therapeutic. In the face of a profound loss over which we had no control, the ability to act to create a memory, especially one she would appreciate as she so loved her garden and yard, is quite calming and helpful.

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