The Fog of Grief

I've read a lot about grief, aside from experiencing it. Talked a lot about it with therapists and group support. Heard different perpectives and personal stories. Couple thoughts.....one, it is a unique experience, no one person has the same process, and it doesn't follow predictable pathways or timeframes. Two, everyone seems to move along a continuum, through readily definable stages (more on this later). But it's not a linear process, you move back and forth along the continuum and I would argue, you can be a different points on the continuum at the same time, defying the laws of physics.....

For example, I might be doing just fine on the surface, feeling good about life and the future, and having warm memories of life in the past. Then, wham, I'll get hit with a flashback, usually around a traumatic event associated with Meagan's disease, like the stroke episode. It will generate a very visceral response, trigger all sorts of other memories, and in a series of cascading memories, send me into a very sad, depressed, and anxiety ridden state.

When you are in that state it is hard to think and hard to do anything. It's called the fog of grief. I become kinda paralyzed. Easy stuff seems hard. Procrastination rules. Energy to do anything significant is just not there. Then I start feeling guilty about that, because I remember what it was like to be efficient, productive, and proactive. It sets up a negative cycle.

One of the sayings at the Healing Center is, "be gentle with yourself". It's a good motto, and one I think about a lot. It's not an excuse, just a perspective. Time is a gentle healer, and forcing things does not help. Sometimes you just need to sit with your grief or sadness, and reflect.